Back At It

I have enjoyed my two week long summer vacation from school, but now it's time to get back at it.  This week starts my last semester of prerequisites for nursing school.  Come fall I will, if everything goes according to plan, be starting the nursing program and be well on my way to a true career.

I have so many dreams in life.  Becoming a published writer, having a good paying job, owning my own home, traveling, maybe even starting a family.  I am inching my way closer to a few of my goals, slowly but surely.  Through this I'm not only feeding my craving for knowledge, I'm also working toward: a career, being able to afford a home, and having the money to travel.  Also in my spare time I'm working on a book that could possibly turn into something one day.  I feel good about all of this, I only wish it would go faster.  While I'm excited to be moving forward, at the same time I feel like I'm sitting still and waiting.  But it will all be worth it some day soon.  I have no doubt about that.

What Now?

I had an epiphany this weekend, but first a little back ground on me for those of you who don't know me personally.

I've always been the girl who, as a child, never played house.  I played babysitter, teacher, camp, college; but never played mommy with the dolls.  I did play with dolls, just not in the traditional mommy/baby way.  That was someone else's job.  I also never played house pretending to be married.  As I grew up I had many dates and many boyfriends and a few serious relationships.  I always said whatever happens, happens.  I wasn't the girl who dreamed of white weddings or what my kids' names would be.  It never mattered to me if I ever got married or had children.  All I wanted was to be happy, and I've always tended to be more happy alone. Through the years I've labeled myself as "not the marrying kind."  I have friends with wonderful children, who I love dearly.  I love to visit them and play with the kids, and wouldn't take anything for the time I get to spend with them.  But the great thing about them being other peoples kids is that when I get tired I can go home.  When they start crying I can had them back to their mom.  None of the hard stuff falls on me. 

But something shifted this weekend.

This weekend I went to a couple of children's birthday parties.  Saturday and Sunday were both filled with the happiness of little ones running and playing.  It clicked...I realized I have been missing out.  On my drive home from the last party it all came crashing down on top of my head.  I want a family, I want a child.  Yes you heard me.  Those of you who do know me are screaming WHAT!? at your screens right now.  And what kills me about this epiphany is that there isn't really anything I can do about it.  I'm at the mercy of meeting a guy that I can actually stand and think I can handle being with for a REALLY long time.  Not an easy feet. 

I talked to a friend of mine last night who thought all of this was the funniest thing she's heard.  She predicts that when this guy does come along I'll just get cold feet and run away screaming, or become indecisive about the whole ordeal.  She does know me better than anyone else. 

Who knows what will happen.  I know whatever is suppose to happen will, and it's all in God's hands and time.  I just wish things would start to happen soon, I'm not getting any younger.  Could this possibly be what they mean when they talk about the sound of the biological clock ticking?  And who knows if I'll even be able to have kids.  I've seen friends have countless miscarriages and a couple of others have to spend thousands on invetro.  But this is the first time I've ever felt that I really wanted any of this, and now I'm starting to get scared that I may not get to have it.

Another Nightmare

Ok, if you know me you know I'm a huge horror fan.  Books, movies, I love it all.  I grew up in the 80's with all of the Freddy, Jason, Micheal, Pinhead, Chucky, etc. movies.  Freddy from A Nightmare on Elm Street was always my favorite.  I loved his one liners, but even though they were full of comic moments I always thought he was the scariest.  Why?  I'm glad you asked.  While all the other guys were scary if you allowed yourself to be lost in the movies, you were still able to tell yourself they weren't real but only a man in a mask.  Freddy on the other hand, came to you in your dreams.  Anything can happen in dreams, and everything is real in that world.

When I heard Hollywood was in the process of remaking the original Nightmare on Elm Street (the one that started it all, the one responsible for launching Johnny Depp's career), I had mixed feelings.  I was excited that I would get to see one of my favorites experience a new life with a new audience.  But I was also worried that it wouldn't do the original justice.  Who else can possible be Freddy when for 25 or more years no one but Mr. Robert Englund had embodied the character.  Then I heard the role would be reprised by the same man to play Rorschach in the Watchmen movie.  That seemed promising, and once again I was hopeful.
So now I have seen the revised Nightmare on Elm Street.  I have to say I was not totally disappointed but also not impressed.  They changed up the story line quite a bit, making you believe the children were the bad guys for a little while and possibly Freddy was innocent after all.  While it was interesting to see someone else's take on what I consider a classic, I don't understand the special effects.  They tried to remake the same scenes from the original that were shocking in the 80's, revamping them with CG.  The girl being pulled up the wall and across the ceiling, the blood erupting from the bed, Freddy stretching the wall paper around his form. All of these scenes were so amazing in the original because they found away to do them that was real.  Doing these scenes in CG only succeeded in giving the film a cartoonish feel, cheapening the effects and taking me out of the film all together.  I found myself laughing at how even though technology has come such a long way, it isn't better just quicker.  The effects from the 80's were hands down better.  The movie itself wasn't bad.  What brought it down for me were the effects.  I own all of the other Elm Street movies, but I don't see myself purchasing this one.

WIP

So even though I have not been blogging lately, I have still been a busy little bee.  I have several crochet projects in progress.  I hope to have them all finished by Christmas.  If you know me personally then you know this is my plan every year and it rarely ever happens.  But hopefully I'll change that with this year's projects.  We shall see.

Also I've seen a couple of movies while on vacation from both work and school.  The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, and the newest edition to the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise.  I'll be blogging about that one a little later on.  The break from school has also allowed me some free time to catch up on some reading.  I've read 3 books this week and I'll let you know what I thought of each of those in a coming post.  One of which I will highly recommend.  If you have a goodreads account add me as a friend.  If you don't have a goodreads account you should get one, I'm completely addicted to that website. I'll even make it easy for you, www.goodreads.com.  And the last thing I will mention here, but certainly not the last thing I'm up to, is that I've started a new weight loss program.  I'm hoping it will go well, and I'll let you know all about it soon.  Well that's my teaser for what's to come.  Keep checking back.  And thank you friends for the support.

I'm Baaaack!

So I've been away for awhile.  Had some computer issues, then took some time away from the computer all together.  Yada yada yada...excuses, I know.  Anyhow, I'm back now so expect a few blog post to be coming up soon.