That Time of Year Again

It's now mid October, which means there are only 2 months left till Christmas.  I have no job this year in which to buy gifts with, which is a bit depressing.  However I have lots of yarn.  With that said, a few of you will be getting a homemade gift from the heart :).  I figure that with my study schedule as tight as it is, I should have gotten started on all of these gifts 3 months ago. With that said I'm going to give you a small sneak peak of what I've been working on.  The pics below are not of gifts that will be going to any followers of this blog, sorry.  And I'm not telling who they will be going to or what the project will be when finished.  Wouldn't want you letting it slip.  I'm just going to post a little peak at the stitches and colors.  Enjoy!  Once the gifts are given I'll post full pics.

These should be Royal Purple and Teal.  Don't know why it looks so drab in the pic.

 

Study TIme!

So, I've had a hectic week these past two weeks.  Week before last we had two test on Monday, a head to toe health assessment check off on Thursday (which I passed with flying colors), and then our health assessment final on Friday.  By Friday night I was so frazzled that I thought I'd come down with a case of alopecia (hair loss).  I made it through the week though only to find out I missed the mark and will have to repeat the course. UGH!!!!  This is heart breaking.  I feel like a failure.  But if I'm being 100% truthful, I have no one to blame but myself.  I was always the student who never had to study. Through my A&P classes, Biology, Microbiology, and all the other classes I've had to take up to this point I've never studied for the first test.  I'd go in and come out of the the class with nothing lower than a B.  But this first semester of Nursing School has shown me that is not going to be the case any further.  After I made a D on my first test I have started trying to teach myself to study.  This is proving to be harder than I thought.  It's like teaching an old dog a new trick.  I'm more determined than ever now though.  I will bring this up!  I will do GREAT this semester! And when I retake Health Assessment next semester I'm going to knock it out of the park.  Just watch me :).

My Blueberry Nights

                                                       

While getting ready for bed the other night I came across this movie.  I can't remember what I'd been watching before but this one was advertised as coming up next.  I had never heard of it and planed to go on to bed but then it started coming on and the actors names were flashing across the screen.  Nora Jones, Jude Law, Natalie Portman, Rachel Weisz......  I couldn't believe that will all of those well know actors I'd never heard of this movie.  I decided to watch the first few minutes just to see what it was all about.  I was hooked in the first few minutes.  Now I'm not saying this film is for everyone, but if you like quiet movies with people trying to find themselves then I do recommend it to you.  I really enjoyed it and will watch it again.  It was made in 2007, so it isn't all that old.  When I saw it the other night it was on HBO, I believe.  Go check it out.
                                                           

Where Does The Time GO?!

Well, I am now midterm through my first semester in nursing school.  Know what I've realized?  It's impossible to do anything while in nursing school that is not directly related to nursing school.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining.  I'm VERY grateful to be in the program and I know that it will be worth it in the long run.  But right now I'm realizing just how hard this is going to be.  I'm wondering if I should turn this into a Nursing Blog, seeing as how that is what my life is made up of now :).  Recently I haven't had time to crochet, watch many movies, or finish many books.  But it's all ok.  I did get to share in a few teenage girls first viewing of the original Footloose last night.  That was fun, and I've told them we will plan another viewing party for the original Dirty Dancing and Point Break.  I hear they will both be remade and I wouldn't want their first impressions of 2 of the greatest movies ever being the Crap it will be turned into during a remake.  Just saying.  Perhaps I should throw The Thing into the mix also.  I have two half finished books sitting on my desk and they taunt me every night.  They've been sitting there since the beginning of September and they are making fun of me that it is taking so long to read them.  I'll get through them eventually.  What are they you ask. Bitten by Kelley Armstrong and One Grave At A Time by Jeaniene Frost.  Both very good books so far.  When I'm done, perhaps I'll post a review.  No promises on how long that will take.  So anywho, that is what is going on in the world of Wensa right now.  Not too much excitement to the outsider, but almost more than I can stand.  Hopefully I'll be able to finish the crochet projects I've been working on as Christmas gifts.  Some of them my have to be rescheduled as birthday gifts.  Sorry if it turns out to be yours.

Well, well, well.

   

So I've been away for a while, and a lot has happened in the time since I last blogged.  First off I was excepted into Nursing School and am now on my way toward my RN degree.  YAY!!  However, due to this I was let go from my job.  BUT, since loosing my job I have taken my new found extra time and started working out and it is already starting to pay off.  Now if I can just keep it up :). Even though this is two goods and one bad, I've found myself becoming depressed lately.  I'm lonely and being home all day 5 out of 7 days isn't helping.  I thought I had met a great guy who was interested in me, but it seems I was wrong.

The loneliness is setting in and I'm starting to feel that ticking of the clock again.  I'm feeling that I'm 30 years old and all around me my friends are all married and there don't seem to be any good guys left.  I just don't know what to do about it.  It's one of those things that you can't really do anything about, but sit and wait.  At this point I'm even willing to take a chance and try blind dating, and that is something I've never wanted to do.  Any suggestions?

It's Me Again

Time for another apology.  It has been brought to my attention that I have once again forgotten about my blog.  Wow, I'm bad at this.  So here I am, back again.  Did you miss me?  Just to catch you all up on what has been going on since we last spoke, I have started back to school.  This semester I'm taking the dreaded speech class and psych II.  So far not so bad. 

But one thing I'd like to comment on is the movie I went to see last weekend.  I went with my cousin, Joy, to see Bad Teacher.
                                                                     
I don't know, maybe I just built it up to myself to much.  I expected this movie to have me rolling in the isles.  It did not!  Don't get me wrong, there were funny parts.  Just no true laugh out loud parts.  Justin Timberlake was just not funny at all.  The funny characters were more of the side characters.  I was mostly distracted by Cameron Diaz, and not in a good way.  I think she is a beautiful and funny woman, but I don't know if it's that film quality has gotten so much better lately or if she has just been spending way to much time in the sun.  I could see nothing but wrinkles every time she was on the screen.  I don't mean this to sound shallow or judgemental, but I know that it will.  I just don't understand why with the miracles they perform everyday with makeup, why they couldn't cover up her aging.  Is it just me?  I would put this movie in the category with The Ugly Truth and Bounty Hunter.  Both decent movies but not laugh out loud funny.  If you liked those then you may like this one.  Just be prepared that the language is a bit more harsh in Bad Teacher than in The Ugly Truth or Bounty Hunter.

Back At It

I have enjoyed my two week long summer vacation from school, but now it's time to get back at it.  This week starts my last semester of prerequisites for nursing school.  Come fall I will, if everything goes according to plan, be starting the nursing program and be well on my way to a true career.

I have so many dreams in life.  Becoming a published writer, having a good paying job, owning my own home, traveling, maybe even starting a family.  I am inching my way closer to a few of my goals, slowly but surely.  Through this I'm not only feeding my craving for knowledge, I'm also working toward: a career, being able to afford a home, and having the money to travel.  Also in my spare time I'm working on a book that could possibly turn into something one day.  I feel good about all of this, I only wish it would go faster.  While I'm excited to be moving forward, at the same time I feel like I'm sitting still and waiting.  But it will all be worth it some day soon.  I have no doubt about that.

What Now?

I had an epiphany this weekend, but first a little back ground on me for those of you who don't know me personally.

I've always been the girl who, as a child, never played house.  I played babysitter, teacher, camp, college; but never played mommy with the dolls.  I did play with dolls, just not in the traditional mommy/baby way.  That was someone else's job.  I also never played house pretending to be married.  As I grew up I had many dates and many boyfriends and a few serious relationships.  I always said whatever happens, happens.  I wasn't the girl who dreamed of white weddings or what my kids' names would be.  It never mattered to me if I ever got married or had children.  All I wanted was to be happy, and I've always tended to be more happy alone. Through the years I've labeled myself as "not the marrying kind."  I have friends with wonderful children, who I love dearly.  I love to visit them and play with the kids, and wouldn't take anything for the time I get to spend with them.  But the great thing about them being other peoples kids is that when I get tired I can go home.  When they start crying I can had them back to their mom.  None of the hard stuff falls on me. 

But something shifted this weekend.

This weekend I went to a couple of children's birthday parties.  Saturday and Sunday were both filled with the happiness of little ones running and playing.  It clicked...I realized I have been missing out.  On my drive home from the last party it all came crashing down on top of my head.  I want a family, I want a child.  Yes you heard me.  Those of you who do know me are screaming WHAT!? at your screens right now.  And what kills me about this epiphany is that there isn't really anything I can do about it.  I'm at the mercy of meeting a guy that I can actually stand and think I can handle being with for a REALLY long time.  Not an easy feet. 

I talked to a friend of mine last night who thought all of this was the funniest thing she's heard.  She predicts that when this guy does come along I'll just get cold feet and run away screaming, or become indecisive about the whole ordeal.  She does know me better than anyone else. 

Who knows what will happen.  I know whatever is suppose to happen will, and it's all in God's hands and time.  I just wish things would start to happen soon, I'm not getting any younger.  Could this possibly be what they mean when they talk about the sound of the biological clock ticking?  And who knows if I'll even be able to have kids.  I've seen friends have countless miscarriages and a couple of others have to spend thousands on invetro.  But this is the first time I've ever felt that I really wanted any of this, and now I'm starting to get scared that I may not get to have it.

Another Nightmare

Ok, if you know me you know I'm a huge horror fan.  Books, movies, I love it all.  I grew up in the 80's with all of the Freddy, Jason, Micheal, Pinhead, Chucky, etc. movies.  Freddy from A Nightmare on Elm Street was always my favorite.  I loved his one liners, but even though they were full of comic moments I always thought he was the scariest.  Why?  I'm glad you asked.  While all the other guys were scary if you allowed yourself to be lost in the movies, you were still able to tell yourself they weren't real but only a man in a mask.  Freddy on the other hand, came to you in your dreams.  Anything can happen in dreams, and everything is real in that world.

When I heard Hollywood was in the process of remaking the original Nightmare on Elm Street (the one that started it all, the one responsible for launching Johnny Depp's career), I had mixed feelings.  I was excited that I would get to see one of my favorites experience a new life with a new audience.  But I was also worried that it wouldn't do the original justice.  Who else can possible be Freddy when for 25 or more years no one but Mr. Robert Englund had embodied the character.  Then I heard the role would be reprised by the same man to play Rorschach in the Watchmen movie.  That seemed promising, and once again I was hopeful.
So now I have seen the revised Nightmare on Elm Street.  I have to say I was not totally disappointed but also not impressed.  They changed up the story line quite a bit, making you believe the children were the bad guys for a little while and possibly Freddy was innocent after all.  While it was interesting to see someone else's take on what I consider a classic, I don't understand the special effects.  They tried to remake the same scenes from the original that were shocking in the 80's, revamping them with CG.  The girl being pulled up the wall and across the ceiling, the blood erupting from the bed, Freddy stretching the wall paper around his form. All of these scenes were so amazing in the original because they found away to do them that was real.  Doing these scenes in CG only succeeded in giving the film a cartoonish feel, cheapening the effects and taking me out of the film all together.  I found myself laughing at how even though technology has come such a long way, it isn't better just quicker.  The effects from the 80's were hands down better.  The movie itself wasn't bad.  What brought it down for me were the effects.  I own all of the other Elm Street movies, but I don't see myself purchasing this one.

WIP

So even though I have not been blogging lately, I have still been a busy little bee.  I have several crochet projects in progress.  I hope to have them all finished by Christmas.  If you know me personally then you know this is my plan every year and it rarely ever happens.  But hopefully I'll change that with this year's projects.  We shall see.

Also I've seen a couple of movies while on vacation from both work and school.  The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, and the newest edition to the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise.  I'll be blogging about that one a little later on.  The break from school has also allowed me some free time to catch up on some reading.  I've read 3 books this week and I'll let you know what I thought of each of those in a coming post.  One of which I will highly recommend.  If you have a goodreads account add me as a friend.  If you don't have a goodreads account you should get one, I'm completely addicted to that website. I'll even make it easy for you, www.goodreads.com.  And the last thing I will mention here, but certainly not the last thing I'm up to, is that I've started a new weight loss program.  I'm hoping it will go well, and I'll let you know all about it soon.  Well that's my teaser for what's to come.  Keep checking back.  And thank you friends for the support.

I'm Baaaack!

So I've been away for awhile.  Had some computer issues, then took some time away from the computer all together.  Yada yada yada...excuses, I know.  Anyhow, I'm back now so expect a few blog post to be coming up soon.

127 Hours

I've wanted to see the movie 127 Hours since I heard it was coming out.  Then after hearing that people were actually passing out in the theaters from the amputation scene, I really wanted to see it.  Thanks to Netflix I watched it last night with my mother.  Maybe the hype had me expecting more than what was possible to offer, I always have said that hype is evil.  James Franco did a wonderful job with the role, and my interest is absolutely sparked enough to want to read the book.  I'm willing to bet the book is better than the movie.  While interesting, with beautiful images, the movie lacked a little something.  I found parts of it to be boring, and not enough time was spent building a relationship between Aaron and the audience before his fall.  This caused a detachment for me and I had a hard time letting myself go in the film.  I loved the raven and found myself wondering more about it than Aaron.  As for the scene that was causing so much controversy, I was not weak kneed over it.  The nerve was interesting and, I thought, done well but the rest went in with that whole detachment thing.  Now keep in mind that all of this is strictly my opinion only.  I understand that there are many out there who did love this movie and I'm not knocking you for it.  I'm only saying that it did a good job of making me want to read the real story of what happened to this guy without Hollywood's attention to imagery to overshadow the story itself.  I do feel for the real Aaron and I pray that his life truly has changed for the best, and that he will be able to live it to the fullest.
the real Aaron.

Something New

So I decided to try something new today.  As I've said before, I turned 30 on April 9th, which was quite the ordeal for me.  I finally decided to embrace my aging and own it.  After shopping with my friends I decided I needed to update my look.  I'm normally a t-shirt and jeans kinda girl which is fine for weekends and after work, but I do need to up it some for work.  So I went out an bought lots of new clothes.  Then earlier this week I decided to get a hair cut.  Now today I have tried something new.  I went and had my nails done.  But of course I had to put my own spin on it and let my personality come through at least a little.  So here we are, my new nails.

I do love color!

The Journey Begins

I've had a couple of questions as to what sent me on this spiritual journey.  Well, I was raised in a good Christian home.  My parents raised me as a Baptist and my family are all Baptist.  Like any child I had many questions, and I never really felt like I got any answers to them.  This feeling led to more questions as I grew older and became the dreaded rebellious teen.  Now don't get me wrong, I always believed in God.  There were times when I didn't fully know why I did and wondered if it was only because the idea had been drilled into my head as a child.  I didn't go to church, feeling that it was full of nothing but hypocrites.  All the teenagers I went to church with were at parties that I wouldn't even go to on the weekends, doing way worse things than I did.  The adults seemed to only be there to judge what everyone was wearing or to pass judgement on those who didn't come that week.  I made the decision that I was better off without those influences. Depression ensued and I didn't understand why I just couldn't seem to ever be happy.  I became bitter and judgemental of everything and everyone around me.
 
Around the age of 26 I was working at a local library and had become good friends with one of my coworkers.  The two of us went out for dinner after work one night at a little sports bar down the road.  We were sitting and talking, miss negativity with this guy who seemed to have so much life in him I thought one day he'd shoot right off the earth without the need of a rocket ship.  I don't remember what we were talking about or what I said, I just remember him looking at me with a very serious expression that seemed to come out of no where and said "Why are you so negative."  Well this hit me hard.  I didn't have an answer for him and I hadn't even noticed that I'd been THAT negative, for him to call me on it like that.  I thought on his question for the rest of the night to no avail.  The decision was clear, I didn't want to be that person, so I had to do something.  I tried so hard for a few weeks after that to change my views on people and the world, but it was way harder than I ever thought it would be.  During this time I transitioned into a new job in a new town, which really didn't make things any easier. Then one day, at the book store, I came across a book called The Usual Suspect by Stephen Baldwin.  I had no idea he had written a book, didn't even know he was still around.  I always liked him and his movies, and I needed a good read to kill some time. I bought it without looking at the back.  I had not clue what the book was about, just assumed since it was written by him and had his face as the cover art it must be an autobiography, so what did I have to loose.  Well let me tell you, I devoured this book.  I caught myself taking notes and smiling anytime I was reading it.  I couldn't stop talking about it, I wanted everyone else to read it.  The book was all about his conversion into a Christian.  Apparently it wasn't easy for him either.  I found myself finding comfort in his words and feeling like maybe I wasn't a lost cause after all.  Well after reading his book, and with my new found excitement for God, I went back to the old church that I had grown up in.  I rededicated my life that very day and went back that night for more.  I found myself being way more positive and a bit happier, but still feeling that something wasn't right.  Then I started having those same old feelings about the people in the church.  I once again quit going.  Some time passed and I was in the mall on a Sunday when I heard music coming from what use to be a movie theater.  I started questioning people about it and they said that a church had started meeting in there.  That they were different and people didn't really know what to make of it yet but they seemed to be popular with the younger crowd.  My interest was peaked so I found out they called themselves Hope Community and had a website.  After contacting them and asking many questions I went to join them the next Sunday.  I was blown away.  This church had a live band, drums, electric guitars and all.  The preacher was young and energetic.  The people around me were all so warm.  I loved it here and immediately felt like I belonged.  I started going every Sunday to this church which was an hour drive from my home.  Not many of my peers thought it was good for me.  Not only was I putting miles on my car and gas was outrageous.  This church was nondenominational and didn't sing worship hymns, they sang contemporary songs to rock and roll.  But I loved it and began to feel better about myself.  I finally talked some of my family into joining me.  My dad really liked it and was really proud that I had found a church I felt so strongly about.  Then he became ill.  Within 3 months time of being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer he was dead.  I didn't go to church during this time, feeling that if I was going to be in the town with the hospital that my dad was in then I needed to be there with him.  Once he died, I didn't really know how to go back.  I felt like to much time had gone by and I was different.  My dad was such a strong Christian and from the things he said to me I had no doubt in God or faith.  I never went through the "angry at God" phase.  I just didn't know how to go to church after that.  I started wondering about others who don't go to church, and people who didn't know about God in other cultures.  What happened to them.  I started to mentally roam aimlessly.  Then I picked up a book called Eat Pray Love by Melissa Gilbert in a book swap at work.  Now I surprised myself picking this book up.  Normally if I'm going to read a book it's either horror related or the biography of someone I really like.  But I found myself drawn to this book.  Now I'm only talking about the book here, the movies was absolutely horrible.  But yet again here was a book I couldn't put down.  I related to the character deeply.  Not with her relationship problems, I was never a clingy person but completely the opposite.  But with her views on religion I was right there with her.  I found myself saying "this is exactly what I've been trying to say but didn't have the words for it."  I loved this book and can't even tell you how many times I have read it.  This book is what has truly inspired me to start this blog and to truly seek out spirituality without taking no for an answer.  I will no longer quit because I don't feel right about some aspect of the people around me, this isn't their journey it's mine.  If I don't feel that I'm in the right place, instead of quiting I'll just find another place.  I'll keep looking and growing until I reach what I'm meant to reach.  I'm well aware that this could be a very long journey but I'm ready.

PS. I feel that I should clarify something.  It isn't that I ever "left God behind" or stopped believing.  I just felt that I wasn't really close to Him.  That is what this journey is mostly about.  I'm trying to find my way closer to God.  Trying to find a way to be at peace with my life here on earth, my relationship with those that I love, and my relationship with God.

First Official Post - Welcome to blogging.

After listening to friends tell me, for about 3 years now, that I should write a blog I have given in and decided to give it a try.  When first approached with the idea I thought, but what would I write about.  I can't just pick one subject.  Should I write about crocheting and crafts?  Should I do book/movie/music reviews?  How do you pick a direction and stay on that road when you can't even stick to which road you want to take to the store? Well, this year I've had a few changes in my life that I have decided to embrace.  I turned 30 recently and took on a new wardrobe, I'll soon be out of the pre-nursing classes and in the Nursing Program, and I have started on a true journey to finding my way to God and how to be more spiritual. These are only a few of the many changes taking place.  I thought now would be the perfect time to start that blog my friends have been pressuring me with.  I can use it to chronicle my life changes and maybe do a few fun book/movie/music reviews along with it.  So basically this blog will be everything that is me, all my random thoughts, wanderings, ramblings, the journey for spirituality, and pics of crafts.  Welcome to my first try at blogging.  Happy reading.